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Pauline Hanson is visiting a school. In one class, she asks the students if anyone can give her an example of a "tragedy".

One little boy stands up and offers that "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.

"No," Hanson says, "That would be an ACCIDENT."

A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains Hanson. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."

The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Hanson, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Pauline Hanson and the One Nation Party were blown up by a bomb, THAT would be a tragedy."

"Wonderful!" Hanson beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be not be a great loss!"

Actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Report):

• Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

• Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.

• A room temperature IQ..

• Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

• A prime candidate for natural deselection.

• Bright as Alaska in December.

• Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming

• So dense, light bends around him.

• If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.

• If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.

• Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.

• Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

• Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports:

• His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

• I would not breed from this officer.

• He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

• He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

• This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

• This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.

• Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

• She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

• He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

• Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

• This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

If Men Were to Rewrite "The Rules"

Rule # 1
Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

Rule # 2
If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

Rule # 3
If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.

Rule # 4
It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.

Rule # 5
Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women how can we know how pretty you are?

Rule # 6
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

Rule # 7
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -not both.

Rule # 8
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.

Rule # 9
Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.

Rule # 10
When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, you saying "This is our exit" is not necessary.

This Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face. Say, mum, why is my bigger brother named "Mighty Storm"? Because he was conceived during a mighty storm. Why is my sister named "Cornflower"? Well, your father and I were in a cornfield, when we made her. And why is my other sister called "Moonchild"? We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived. Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious?