1. When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you. * When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed. -* Alisba Everett
2. Overheard in a brokerage: "I worry about economists who are so young that they think the Great Depression was ended by Prozac."
3. When a friend asked his six-year-old brother why babies are spanked when they are born, the youngster replied, "To get them used to it." -Doug Belknap & Chad Goodwin
4. Veterinarian examining cat to cat's owner: "I'm afraid we'll have to keep him overnight. Are you going to need a loaner?." -AVl. Twohy
5. You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going. -P. J. O-Rourke
6. The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed. -Mary F. Undahl's Husband
7. One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
8. Bank officer to couple: "Do you have any collateral other than this letter from Ed McMahon?" -Martin J. Bucella
9. When you are eight years old, nothing is any of you business.- Lenny Bruce
10. Blessed are the young, For they shall inherit the national debt.- Herbert Hoover
11. In America, anyone can become president. That's one of the risks you take. Adlai Stevenson
12. Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs. - P.J. O'Rourke
13. I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.- Steven Wright
14. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
15. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
16. Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
17. Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
18. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
19. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
20. Why do they put Braille symbols on the drive-through bank machines?