Did
you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
-He sold his soul to Santa
Did
you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
-He's all right now.
How
do crazy people go through the forest?
-They
take the psycho path.
How
do you get holy water?
- Boil the hell out of it.
How
does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?
- She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
What
did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
- "Dam".
What
do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
- Polaroids.
What
do prisoners use to call each other?
- Cell phones.
What
do the letters D.N.A. stand for?
- National Dyslexics Association.
What
do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
- A stick.
What
do you call cheese that isn't yours?
- Nacho Cheese.
What
do you call Santa's helpers?
- Subordinate Clauses.
What
do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
- Quatro sinko.
What
do you get from a pampered cow?
- Spoiled milk.
What
do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
- Frostbite.
What
do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
- A pachydermatologist
What
has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill
you?
- A pool table.
What
is a zebra?
- 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
What
kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
- Sanka. And what kind of lettuce? Iceberg.
What
lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
- A nervous wreck.
What's
the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
- The taste.
What's
the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
- Anyone can roast beef.
Where
do you find a no legged dog?
- Right where you left him.
Where
do you get virgin wool from?
- Ugly sheep.
Why
are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
- They all have phones.
Why
do bagpipers walk when they play?
- They're trying to get away from the noise.
Why
do gorillas have big nostrils?
- Because they have big fingers.